Done at last

I am finally finished with my back story for Korvus. Its not great, it is rushed at times and lacks the detail I would like to put into it. However, I felt compelled to flesh it out all the way up to the end of his apprenticeship so that I had an idea of who he was and what his motives were. Now I have what I need and can play in the blissful rapture of not feeling like a cookie cutter rpg game class.

Perhaps one day I will go back and fill in all the years in between the vignettes. I will do that if I make it to level 30.

http://magus-korvus.blogspot.com/

I wish I could flip it around to start at the beginning of the story first but I didn't see an option for that. Better off that way I guess, if i turned it around I would only want to start correcting things from the beginning of the story.

Saturn's day

Ok, so upon further meetings and financial research I believe ITT can go to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect my $200, go directly to hell. $465 per credit hour with no full time discounts means that a Bach would run me like $85,000. I doubt seriously very many of my credits would transfer since I doubt ITT cares that I studied biology, chemistry and such. The math and composition classes are really all that would apply to their IT degree. So, its back to community college or buck up and drive to ASU.

I haven't worked out in a full week now. I need to set some time aside to go in and fight with the boys before my hormones cause me to have a road rage episode or go ape shit in a grocery line. On the up side, having a week to let my muscles fully repair has made me feel a lot more healthy than when I am in full time work out mode. Maybe I can get my wife to toss on some gloves and beat on me till I feel more subdued.

Tonight is D&D night at the Perry home this evening. I look forward to frying some kobolds and bandits with my Flaming Sphere. I really like the spell system for 4e with one exception. There needs to be a LOT MORE rituals. I know that will come in the supplements but still, the feeling of being a wizard does not come from one shotting trash mobs. That part should just be a given for any fighting game. I want more non-combat spells to play with and I should have them at level 1. I am not playing an apprentice after all. The players guide says I am a HERO. I am not asking for anything plot breaking. I just think a fledgling wizard should be able to use magic to do all the things you imagine that a wizard does while sitting around the house in his underwear. Now I know a liberal use of prestidigitation, ghost sound and mage hand all contribute to a lot of that but I think some rituals that all wizards who have completed their apprenticeship should know includes:

Animate Object
Lasts one day per level and the animated object can not perform direct combat. Makes brooms and dust rags cleans things. Makes chairs and cauldrons follow you about in the workroom. Allows painted pictures to move like a limited movie. Makes peoples shadows act in a seemingly self aware manner.

Chore
A short ritual that does the dishes, cooks food and other more mundane jobs while you study.

Unseen Servant
Creates a servant to handle the little things you are too busy for.

Identify
Yes this is part of the Arcane skill now but maybe it would be used for things non arcane.

Scribe/ erase
A must for the avid magical "student".

Detect "X" rituals
Wizards should be a little more psychic at level 1. Maybe just detect hostility or something.

These rituals should be a given and then you can buy, find and discovery through study all the others in the book at level 1 and start amassing you magical library. WHO in their right mind would study magic and NOT learn to cover your basic student and house keeping/ comfort issues first?

Anywho...I got to run. Wife and kid went to the park. If I hurry I can catch them and play in the grass.

Goals: A work in progress

2 min goal: Write a blog post

2 hour goal: Be watching House

2 day goal: Have a job to pay for Chris's preschool

2 month goal: Be enrolled in ITT Tech with loans, scholarships and grants worked out

2 Year goal: Have a second and far better instructional video out

5 year goal: Have my Bachelors degree in Internet security and have a career that pays well and still lets me focus on my martial arts at night. Release a 3rd video.

10 year goal: Put an end to religion on earth and set up a one world government

20 year goal: Own a home in and retire to a rainforest

And for my next trick...

I WILL EDUCATE YOU ALL!

So, you say you want to know the secrets of higher learning, but you just can't flip the bill and pay for it? Well have no fear. I will put you on "Stallard's poor man education program". What would you say if I told you I could give you the same knowledge as a man from MIT at NO COST TO YOU? You would no doubt ask what the catch was right? Well , the catch is that you got to actually be self motivated and you won't have a piece of paper at the end that says anyone has to listen to you. All you get is smarter. Still interested or do you only go to school for the paper degree? For those of you who haven't stopped reading and still feel a little tingle at the idea of knowing what the guys at MIT know, I have a web page for you.

http://ocw.mit.edu/OcwWeb/web/courses/courses/index.htm

That's right, your looking at MIT's open course-ware. All the notes, video lectures, PowerPoint displays...everything. The page takes quite a few seconds to load because all the course links are listed on one flowing page. Want to take Introduction to Aerospace? Its there for you. Would you rather read a course on Introduction to Bioengineering? That's there too. Some of my favorites include:

Artificial Intelligence

Relativism, reason and reality

Human Origins and evolution

Satellite engineering

AND MUCH MUCH MORE!

All this for NO payments of $19.95. If you call me now I will even help you with your motivation by telling you to hang up the phone and read the damn web page.

Call NOW! This is an unlimited time offer.

Thursday chat

Good morning my readers. I have very little news since my last post really but I felt compelled to sit and write a little something. I am currently sitting here waiting for some places to open so I can go toss in an application for work. I tried to arrange for a paycheck from a martial arts source but it seems all my martial arts brothers are about as broke as I am. Unless you want to teach kids classes it seems martial arts jobs are not going to cut my bills anytime soon.

There is hope in the future however. I plan to go to ITT Tech starting in Dec. I am going to get a bachelors degree in web security. I like this idea for several reasons. One, my brother Scott has a similar job and it will give us tons to chat over and exchange riveting stories about TCP/IP protocols. A little coffee and chat about packet speed and I can imagine the whole world will stop to listen in. Two, despite saying I had gotten over this in a previous post, it fits into my self image of spy training. Its just the same thing as my martial arts and biology training but applied to a new format. Three, I do have a huge love for computers and puzzles and have just the sort of obsessive personality that would make a career like this work for me. All I have to do is jump through a few hoops and fill out some papers and I can start wracking up some student loan debt. I am hoping that I have all the general ed credits covered from MCC and will be able to cut out 30% of the Associates degree classes. We will see what I have and what transfers next month.
Until all this gets kicked into high gear however, I still need to make enough to pay for Chris to go to preschool. Thus, I am off to fill out apps for anyone who will take me for now. ( heavy sigh )

I have no new martial arts news today. I can say I need to tighten up on my diet. I went into a junk food frenzy last week and need to pull back to a clean nontoxic diet of fresh veggies and lean meats. Training the kids at ECS has been a very satisfying endeavor for my over the last months. I think that has been what keeps me sane. If I get a day job I will have to arrange some time in the nights to go in and teach. Along that line of thought, I also want to drop in on Master Corona some time soon. I miss his company and would do well with a trip back to the source this week. Revisit my root so to speak. A plant with a weak root doesn't grow.

Lastly, I was asked to re-post some of my myspace blogs for those of you who can't see my page since it is set to private. It is only set that way so that students of my wife don't stumble onto something controversial.

I will first re-post:



Shannon’s Maxims:

1) All communication is a two way link. If the information is only flowing one way it is either an act of vampirism or ego-centristic lecture or both.

2) Honesty is an act of force and requires strength. Be strong.

3) Lies are an act of seduction. Be careful whom you seduce, they may want to hang around for breakfast.

4) Self-identification is the defining element of a persons drive, determination and motivation. Having a clear picture of who you are will save you from a great deal of regret and guilt.

( Combination of 3 and 4: If you lie to yourself and succeed, you may create a self identity that you will have to sleep with for a long ass time before you have the guts to throw them out of bed.)

5) Truth is only found in the totality of a thing and the events surrounding it. We are perceptually limited to finite knowledge. Never assume you know the TRUTH about anything. Survival is dependant on knowing workable approximates.

6) Embrace change, for constant change is the universes only constant.
(That and the speed of light I guess, but even that is only in a vacum. And none of us live in a vacum.)

7) We are here only once. Make the most of life and enjoy the ride.

8) Never gamble away years of happiness and satisfaction over a moment of pleasure. The hedons don't add up.

9) Love and Freedom are the most cherished things one can have or give away. Give it openly to those you cherish and defend it viciously from those who would take it by force.

10) Always try to recognize people for who they currently self-identify as and isolate their methods of operation. Expectations and assumptions based off your own inner desires or feelings are of no workable use.

11) In the world of inanimate objects there is cause and effect, but in the world of beings with free volition there is always mutual interaction. Never blame another for your condition or condemn them for theirs. You have a part in all you feel.


I could add to these and fine tune them but to be honest it would be futile since I am always revamping and detailing my life's philosophy. I would never be done expanding them. I can honestly say looking over them that they all still apply.

Done for the day. Time to go do what needs to be done.

Martial arts, teeth and banality.

I am taking time this morning to bask in a little self appreciation. I have really worked hard over the last two years to advance my take-down game and assimilate a lifetime of traditional theory and practice into practical ability. I have a huge amount of confidence in my ability to take a reasonably skilled or comparably sized opponent to the ground and maintain my options to go with them or remain standing. I am nowhere near "done" in this area of course and everyone has miles of improvement to go over the course of a lifetime. I now feel like I have a firm working base to extend my skills from in this area though. I am actually a little excited to see what I will learn next. My two big priorities now are to revisit my ground game, specifically ground sweeps where striking is involved, and go back and reassess my weapons and weapon defense tactics. I need to go back with my new understanding and reapply everything I know to a new framework.

Developing my "dirty boxing" and "clench fighting" skills has been one of the most personally rewarding aspects of my martial arts career. I am not sure why it has impacted me so much more than other things, but I suspect it is due my age and the personal nature of the development. Of course it all came from outside sources, but I was alone to put it together myself and trudge up the hill of self discovery under my own steam with no one to stand behind me a push me for more. Being a little alone in my obsession created a real sense of accomplishment in my mind. I am really proud to have pushed myself.

I promised some pictures from my first ever dentist trip. I actually went in for a checkup last year but we hated the dentist and never went back so I am not sure if that counts as a trip given that he did nothing but waste our time. Please keep in mind that this is a close up and was the BACK of my front teeth that no one could see without some effort. I didn't actually look like a crack head prior to the cleaning, but I am happy the backs of my teeth are clean now. Since the cleaning my gums have healed up and look normal again. In retrospect it looks a bit gross. Remember kids, get a regular cleanings every six months.

I suppose my last topic of the day is my future. Having put Christopher in preschool I now have to find a way to pay for it. Working at the gym and teaching Martial Arts is the most rewarding thing I can imagine in life. Adult martial arts is my heart and soul and my passion, but I fear it is not going to cut the cake when it comes to the bills. I have not given up on parlaying my skills into a paycheck by no means, but I think urgency is going to dictate that I once again take on a job I abhor in order to pay the bills until I find a steady martial arts income. I will need regularity in my paycheck and job satisfaction and sense of fulfilment will once again have to take the back seat to expediency. I can't tell you how that idea pains me, but anyone who knows me well will already know and also know that I will not speak on the topic again till the time of the crap job has passed. So there.

Thursday babble

So as it turns out I didn't chip a tooth at all. As I have recently learned, the salivary gland under the tongue emits a saliva that is extremely calcium rich. Since your bottom teeth just sorta stew in spit down there they tend to get a calcium rich coating that is white like a tooth. Given that I had never been to a dentist in my 37 years, that build up was a bit thick. I had actually just assumed that it was my tooth back there but what I chipped off was the coating over the tooth. It was white and bone hard so I feel like I wasn't too crazy for the confusion. The dentist took a look and said all I needed was a good cleaning behind the bottom front teeth and I was good to go. Sigh of relief there.

My sister put up pictures from when we went out to Virginia. They all make me want to go out there again right away. As I grow older I have stronger longings to move back to the forest of my birth. Its changed so much there since I was a kid. Well, some things change, other things don't. The only thing that keeps me from taking the notion seriously is the mind set of the small country towns. Everyone is still in every one else's business. They all still believe in a god and practice some sort of religion. Racism not only still exists but is right out in the open at times. And finally, there seems to be a prevalent fear of computers and technology. All the same, its a beautiful place to be and I miss my Dad and sister Crystal. He is not in great health but my sister looks after him and makes sure he has what he needs. She is the saint of my family.

I wish I could get my dad to come out here for a visit. He won't climb onto an airplane though. I have offered to buy a ticket and escort him but he said he wasn't getting on a plane. I would have to knock him out like in the old TV show, The A-Team, where they had to knock out Mr.T every time they flew somewhere. I am not sure how I would handle my mom and dad in the same room anyway. I have no real memories of them ever being together so seeing my mom and dad in the same room would really freak me out a little. I bet it would sure be good for them though. They were together for 17 years or so before I was born so I am sure they could rattle off stories about "old times" for days. I think they would really like that. Shame it is so unlikely.

What a Monday

Oh the excitement that filled the air with nervous energy as we got dressed and ready for our first day at preschool. Chris was totally stoked to be going to school and Mommy and Daddy were nervous that they were making their little boy grow up too fast. Breakfast was had with lots of last minuet advice conversation and verbal reassurances that today would be a great day.

When we got to school it became clear fast that we had made the right choice. I hung out with him at class for several hours to insure a smooth transition. The teacher, Miss Parsons, had excellent classroom management skills and a patience level that I can only bask in envy of. Chris is way ahead of them in the reading and math area but he will learn social skills that there is no way I would have even thought of to teach him. He is learning to be in and work well in a group.

Today, Tuesday, as I dropped him off at school I didn't stick around. He had his act together and was ready to just be a regular school kid. I have to say I felt very relaxed and at home dropping him off and being one of the parents. It is a whole new step in Dad'dom that I feel very proud to be a part of. Him going to school opens the door to a time in his life that I feel far more ready to take on than the last 4 years. The older a child is the more qualified I feel to guide and help them.

As minor news from Monday, I seem to have a very minor sprained wrist from beating the heavy bag while doing a dirty boxing drill. Its a little stiff today but should be fine by Thursday or Friday.

Last night as I picked at my teeth I chipped a piece of tooth off the back of one of my front teeth. This left a nice large hole with sharp edges for me to constantly jam my tongue into. Thus today I have a dental appointment for a cleaning and some sort of repair. I have known I needed some dental attention for some time but it has never been a huge priority in life. Now the priority is quite abit higher.

Dungeons and Dragons

Last night was our weekly D&D game at the Perry house. Its always quite the event with lots of great conversation and dinner included with the game. I can honestly say I think I go equally for the conversation time before the game as much as for the game itself. The main topic last night was politics of course given the year and the season. It was not really a heated conversation given that our views are not oh so different politically or philosophically but even a conversation where everyone mostly agrees can still be quite fun. I have to admit that I thrive on controversy when it comes to lively debate but I think there just isn't enough divergence in our ideas without trying to grandstand on a fringe idea. Dinner consisted of Popeys chicken corn on the cob and homemade strawberry and banana pie. Needless to say, I was stuffed long before we reached game time.

As a side note I forgot to brag on my wife for climbing onto a mechanical bull Friday night and risking life and limb for a moment of entertainment. Trish is a mega stud and gets full props from me for bravery in the face of a great time. She was cheered on by me and a dozen others from her work as well as being bolstered by a whole bar chanting ,"Ride the Bull". (a chant started by me of course)

The D&D game itself was awesome. The last two sessions have been a good old fashion dungeon crawl. I love my new character and am developing a massive back story for him for our more role play oriented times between dungeons. At the moment though I am quite content to press from room to room and slaughter kobolds in mass and devastate monsters with my impressive magical arsenal of spells. I got my first big piece of loot last night too. I got a "Staff of the Warmage" and cant wait to crit some kobold's face off with it. The main issue with the game at the moment is we are all still learning new rules for the 4E system so we get a little bogged down in mechanics at times. I have to say I think I have my act together in that area now. I know all my abilities and a large portion of all the mechanics that apply to me. As we gather momentum and confidence in the new rules though, we are starting to see more creative descriptions and uses of powers as we move along. All in all, I am pretty sure the new 4e system is better than past incarnations of the game.

IMHO:

In the end, I think the greatness of of the 4e system will be determined by its end diversity. In the past, D&D 3.5's appeal came from all the different characters and prestige classes you could be. I like to get as far off the beaten track as I can class wise and I am hoping that as supplementation comes out there will be lots of Mage options for me to pick from. I fear that use of the arch types will pigeonhole classes and limit them. I do not think it HAS to turn out like that mind you, but I fear they will get lazy and it will happen. I look forward to seeing the druid class and a telepathic psionics class ( my two favorites in the game of course are not available to play yet) and hope they have solid group roles that are significantly different flavor wise from the established classes in the basic book. If the flavor of those classes are preserved I think I will remain happy and loyal.

My wife is paging me away from the computer. We just got all 4 seasons of House on dvd and we are on a private quest to watch them all asap.

Preschool

Yesterday me and Trish drove around to many of the local preschools. Due to our timing we mostly saw a lot of kids taking naps but we still got to meet teachers and see facilities. I have to say we saw the full run of the gamut between nice schools and chaos incarnate stuffed into small corridors. At long last, by the end of the day, we had decided on one.



Chris is VERY excited that he will get to go to school. Being a big 4 year old now he wants to do all the things Caillou does on one of his favorite cartoons. Today we will need to go buy a uniform and new school supplies and outfit him for success.



Its all very intoxicating in a way given how much me and Trish love school. We are happy to pass on the love to a new generation. As we do though I cant help but wonder...



WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH US? I CAN'T HAVE MY BOY AWAY FROM ME FOR THAT MANY HOURS IN A ROW. HE IS ONLY 3 YEARS OLD FOR FUCKS SAKE. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIM?



But those feelings soon pass and all becomes right with the world again. I am really excited for him and I know he is going to have a ton of fun. I also know that if he doesn't seem ready when he gets there that we can always pull him out and wait another year. He has never been out of our sight for more than a few hours at a time though and I think this will be harder on the adults in the house than the child.

I wonder if a time will ever come in parenting when you don't second guess each thing you do.

Giving the A

Me and Trish were reading a book on attitude/pressure and performance. In the book it spoke of "giving the A" which was their way of saying to help the person assume their own exceptional performance. Create the assumption of great success in their own minds and their performance increased from the combination of confidence granted, pressure relieved and support given. We had discussed how we had seen this in action throughout life in real life examples. I myself saw that on a regular basis in the traditional martial arts (TMA). TMA is seldom performance based but each student still holds the idea of efficacy being paramount in his mind despite the often untested nature of TMA. It was a fairly common practice to promote a person to the next rank and watch as they "grew into the rank". Sometimes a person would plateau and never reach the next level of expertise UNTIL you promoted them and tossed them in the fire.



Long intro for whats upcoming but...



Last week we decided to declare Chris 4 years old while at his grandparents house. He is technically still 3 until the 7th of Sept but we were having his party in Vegas with the family and just decided to start 4 a bit early. There was no motive for the early promotion other than not needing to do it again later, however, it certainly had an effect on him beyond what I had imagined. Apparently Chris had a number of assumptions as to what a 4 year old could do that a 3 year old was still practicing at. Over the last few days of his 4ness he has informed me of many things he can do now without error. A small list of examples thus far includes:



Perfect potty control and clean up. No longer needs to be reminded to go potty.



He does not bother sounding out small words anymore. He can simply read them now. Sudden mastery over R controlled vowels and vowel combinations in larger words. Last night he told me that HE would read the bed time story tonight because big kids do that. He read me the whole book with only subtle help.



Addition and subtraction problems require a LOT less finger counting.



Big kids use real forks, spoons and plates. Not baby versions.



The list is growing every day but those are the things that hit in the three days since being declared 4. I have seen many other things such as increased interests and listening/instruction following but those things are no doubt perceptually bias on my part because now I am looking for drastic improvement.

I love that boy and he never ceases to amaze me.

The evolution of motivation

I have done martial arts of one type or another my entire life. Martial arts has been the one constant in my life where everything else has changed. I could easily wax poetic and say my life has been a maelstrom of chaos of every sort of flotsam and jetsam imaginable with the one constant eye in the storm being my training.

I have not, however, trained for the same reasons my whole life. Last year this became a major area of contention in my psych and I thought a nervous breakdown or mid life crisis was going to over come my poor little mind and leave me a gibbering mass in the corner of a padded room. In the past my motivations changed and evolved seamlessly to the point of just being matters of introspection. (something I excel at)

As a child I trained because it was fun. What child needs more motivation than that?

When I hit my teens I trained for fights. (something else I excelled at) I recognized that when a fight occurred that one kid was often clearly the winner. On the scale of winning and loosing I have always favored the concept of winning. Given a choice, I still rather like winning over loosing. Its not as important to me as it was then but all else being equal, I remain partial to victory.

In my twenties I had a fine revelation about winning. The bigger the enemy the more satisfying the victory elation. This prompted me to change my motivations just a tad. Now I was preparing for something big.
It could have been any number of things really: Go to War, Find a good death stopping a robbery, Become a super hero like batman, Become an overseas merc, Become a super villain, Get in on a top notch criminal organization, Start my career as an international assassin, Kill people who cut down rain forest, Kill people who murder gorilla in North Africa, Hunt poachers on the lion reserve in South Africa, Work for the CIA, Abduct one of the MIB and force them to tell me whats in area 51, Become a survivalist leader after the nuclear apocalypse, ect.


In my thirties I was still waiting for...something. Then it hit me and I had a horrid revelation. NOTHING was going to happen. I was going to grow old and die a perfectly normal and average life with no big even to define its meaning. I was not going to die a good warriors death at all. I was going to age, have a kid, become everything I have always hated about adults, and die unnoticed. I am still struggling with this a little today.

Then last year the fog began to clear and I began to find a little solace while teaching at my gym. I found that my happiness on the mat was undiminished despite not having a warriors death to get ready for. I still loved to teach. I still loved the contact of wrestling and could still take pride in my sore and aching muscles the day after a workout. Slowly but surly I began to do things for the sake of doing them and not for some grand idea of how the skill would be used.

Today I train only for me. My enemy is age and the specter of ill health. I am fighting off bone brittleness and inflexibility. I train for my mental acuity and physical stability. I am training...to be and stay...young.

My music

I feel a huge disconnection from the radio these days because i can never find the bands I really identify with and love without a major search and rescue effort. Pandora has saved my sanity with regular injections of...

Nitzer Ebb

KMFDM

Lords or Acid

Sister Machinegun

My life with Thrill Kill Kult

The Electric Hellfire Club

Nine Inch Nails

Panzer AG

Starkillers

Clutch


Just typing the names of some of those bands filled me with a sense of relaxation and ease.


I guess what I really miss though is having Lopez around to chat about music with. We always had the best music conversations. He is the only person I know that could even name half the bands I love. I have always cherished him as a BFF but I am not sure if I ever realized till just now how much music went hand in hand with our friendship. We grew and expanded our musical tastes at the same time in life. We explored the same odd corners of the musical world while working in rat holes like The Nile. I miss all night conversations over the depth of a bands lyrics and the social importance of musically expressed dissension. I long for the nigh euphoric rush that comes from a conversation that begins with," Oh MY GOD! Sit down a sec and listen to this new band I just found..."
That is a connection I have never had with any other person and yet, it was every day of our lives for 10 years. I always miss Chris but after writing this I feel as though I am mourning his loss. I think I best call him today.

So, its like a diary I guess

I have started a million web pages and blogs and poetry forums and all sorts of similar things and eventually the same thing happens. It becomes stylised to be one thing and I feel it is either "done" or I loose interest in adding to it until I become inspired to write new material.

This blog shall be different. This blog is not about anything. It is not even really about me. Its just my random thoughts, feelings and occasional ideas. Some days it may be a grocery list

It may be chaotic, but chaos has more endurance than order.