New Job

EMPLOYMENT at last!

Yesterday I got a call to come in and interview at LA Fitness. I had filled out an app there for a front desk job because, I asked and that's what they said they were hiring at the moment. When I arrived the guy asked me if I would be interested in a different job. When I said," Yes of course" he told me he would hire me as an assistant manager on the sales floor. Basically a sales person with a nice tittle. I will be giving everyone their first personal training session and helping them to set some goals and then sell them some personal training sessions. I told him it sounded like a great fit and that I was interested in the job. Then he said that he said he had seen my app at the front desk and jerked it out of the pile before anyone else could look at it. "Really?", I said. Then I get to the meat of why I was hired.

"I saw that you are a MMA coach" he says. It seems he once went to Elite Combat Sports and still wants to train to be a MMA fighter. He has a great stand up coach who comes to LA Fitness on his break and works with him on striking. As soon as I told him that my strong area was clinching and take-downs and that I would love to join them, I suddenly felt like the job interview was over and I was hired. Before I knew it we had filled out all the papers and I was in. I officially start Monday.

You just never know whats around the corner or what little piece of information is going to take you to your next experiential bus stop. I am really looking forward to this job. The hours and the pay seem great and I will get to workout and do MMA every day. I am not sure I could have asked for more. I have said it before, I will say it again, I live a charmed life.

OMG SHOES!

OK, so not really shoes. But anyone who has seen the omg shoes video now knows the obsession I am about to spill forth in utter techno-geek glory.

The Kindle is HERE!

I SO need one of these. I am so geeking out right now that I cant even blog about it so I will just give a pic and a link and let you all read and geek out with me.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000FI73MA/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=2192951021&ref=pd_sl_20wgx685w_b

Wireless, instant access to every book in the WORLD! (well, not every, but a lot) OMG SHOES!

DEJECTED

That's right boys and girls. Uncle Shannon is in the house and after many rum and cokes I am ready for a little drinking and blogging.

It seems I will NOT be a Sheriff nor shall I be a detention officer. You see, I made the horrid mistake of telling the truth. (Go back and refer to Shannon's Maxims for why) Yes, once upon a time , like 20 fucking years ago, I did a good deal of LSD and yes I am still unrepentant of it. Due to this atrocious act of my youth I am not qualified to watch over the prisoners of the state who sit with no rehabilitation in sight. I am not worthy of being the guardian of mans bastion of moral fortitude NOR am I worthy of being a real paid professional hero. You see, I am unclean. Like a demonically possessed house or a sewage tunnel unkempt by city workers. To this I say...very well. I am neither the best nor the brightest, which is what they are after. I suppose I knew that already.

I ask no repentance for my past. I have no regrets for MY actions. At least now I know where I stand. Unworthy.

So, there. Fuck um.

Update

So my new job pursuits this week include the sheriff's department and detention officer. Somewhere out there is a job in need of a person doing it. Maybe if I can get into a steady gov job I can be on a SWAT team or train academy boys in H2H.

Trish and I went for a jog this weekend and worked out at the park. It was the most fun I have had since our dance party. Speaking of dance parties...



Paula came to see us last week and boogied with us at the dance party. Here are some pics of her.



We miss her already.


I will post pics of us all dancing but I warn you, with the flash of the camera cancelling out the strobe lights it sorta looks like a bunch of people in a living room pretending to be mannequins. Try to imagine that its dark with loud music and flickering lights.

Odd looking but I actually look a little odd when I dance anyway so it really all the same I guess.

Lastly, I plan to buy the new G1 phone with the google android software on it. I am a little excited about that coming out. The video reviews look pretty cool.

Satyr's Day

Behold! it is dance party night at the Stallard home. If you have not been sent an invite but you read this blog, YOU ARE INVITED! There will be 80s dance tunes and what ever booze and snacks that you bring. Also invited for your entertainment will be BARBRA THE WOLF MOM!

She will be giving child care tips and teaching her "naked baby-chewing dance" to anyone who wants to learn it. Before you get all crazy about dancing with her please recall that her husband Freddy "Good boy" Wolf will be attending also.

Come one come all. If you need directions give a call.

Thor's Day

Well today has been quite the roller-coaster. It was planned to be a bit action packed given that Paula was coming in to visit today. We were both very excited to see her and her plane arrived on time this morning. Trish set out to get her and I had special plans to give the sisters some bonding time by having a boys day with Chris Perry. All was going according to plan as I left the house, the beginning of a seemingly perfect day.

Then I get a call from Trish while I am on the road to the Perry house. She informs me that some rather desperate miscreant has come along and stole my homes plumbing. THAT'S RIGHT, read it again. They came up to the side of the house and cut off the water main and then proceeded to steal the copper pipes that stick out of the side of the house. The whole conversation I was in "No, you got to be kidding" mode. I made Trish repeat the facts several times to make sure she was not in a state of insanity. Me and Chris discussed our ability to go over there and buy some pipes and repair the problem. We were a little hopped up on testosterone and ready to buy a welder but Trish assured me we needed a plumber. A plumber, I might add, to the tune $950.

Now I don't sweat the theft and all. I mean, I was not exactly an angel growing up but, having some yahoo basically vandalize me in order to make about $.50 a foot for my copper pipes but have it cost me $950 bucks to fix seems like a bad crime to payoff to repercussion ratio.

Despite it all though we stayed in good spirits almost to the point of laughing at the absurdity of it all. Me and Chris went to eat at a pizza buffet and he amazed me with his pizza decimating skills. Then we went to a Gamer store and eyed D&D and GURPS supplements that we would one day buy. After getting all primed and ready though we headed back to the house to defeat the 3rd boss mob in Force Unleashed. We are playing the game on the middle hardness setting so this felt like quite the epic conquest. He took us over an hour to figure out but we 0wnzd his @$$ in the end. I left the Perry home feeling well accomplished.

After getting home my "allergy attack" showed its true face and now it seems I am sick with body aches, fervor and sinus drainage galore. The best part was when I decided that I wasn't really sick, I just needed a shower to rev me back up. I can't even do justice with my writing skill as to how it feels to step into a hot shower and vomit pizza and orange juice out and through my nose. The hot steam captured and held the scent of the vomit perfectly. I highly recommend it.

So, here I sit now. Feeling strangely better after crashing in bed for an hour. It was quite a day with all the ups and downs of a good 30 min sitcom. Now I think its time to drink.

Woden's Day

Well, all I will say is that I am in all likelihood gainfully employed by Mimi's Cafe'. I had an interview today and the manager and I seemed to strike an accord. He said to expect a call from his lackeys in "short order". I assume I will get a call tomorrow and start training soon. If I were going to whore myself out to the public, I would have preferred actual sexual favors. However given our nations aversion to a profession where you can't sell a commodity that you are aloud to give away for free, I suppose I will have to settle for food service. I shall take on as many johns at a time as I can and I will service them for cash left on the table after they are done. I assuage myself of irritation by remembering that I am doing this for my family's greater comfort and security. It may not be a heroic mission or a complexly set up assassination but I will get the job done none the less, by what ever means necessary.

On the plus side of this, I will no doubt be working mostly nights and will have my days open for working out and further perfecting my martial arts. If I can swing a partner in the daytime that I can spar and roll with on a regular basis I should be able to press my fighting endurance up a notch or two. I can also take on privates and train or coach people in the daytime to make some extra coin at my actual profession.

If I make enough money I shall create and purchase a wish list of things as rewards for my efforts. Some items may include:

iphone g3

Xbox360

Warhammer Online

Gurps Thaumaturgy book

Forgotten Realms Players Guide for D&D 4e

Copious amounts of spiced rum and OJ

All the seasons of Heroes

The Eddie Bravo DVDs for his 10th planet jujitsu system

Done for now, except I don't have a pic for my post. Hhmmmm One sec.... THERE, thats better. Doesn't fit the story but, who cares.

A Blurb

I am SO looking forward to camping this weekend. It has been months since we went camping and I am in dire need of a wilderness recharge. Short of a great workout, nothing makes me feel better than the forest in the evening. I can go out into the trees and sniff the air and run my fingers through mud. Then as the moon rises I can go for a little run until I find a quiet spot to sit and watch the night take over. Its always sad to leave the forest, but at least when I do, I come home feeling clear and focused on reality. My inner child has fur and long ears, of this I am most certain.

NEXT: My joke of the week:

So I was driving my car and talking on my cell phone and sure as hell...I hit the car in front of me. I thought , "Oh crap, there goes my insurance"

The guy in the car in front of me gets out and starts storming back to give me hell and I notice his 3 foot tall stature. "Oh my god", I think to myself, "Its a dwarf"

I open my window and look down at his very angry features and he says to me, " I AM NOT HAPPY"

"Clearly", I said to him, "So which one are you then?"

OK, while you are feeling comical go strait to youtube and type in Ninja Glare. OR better yet, follow this link to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xeje_pp_NyA

Happy Wednesday!